You Might be a Redneck Horse Owner If

We’d like to thank the forum members of pleasurehorse.com for contributing many of the items on this list and, of course, Jeff Foxworthy for inspiring it!

You have ever purchased a goat instead of a weed eater.

Neighbor kids dare each other to pet your horses through the fence.

You have six horses and one usable halter.

People like to guess what breeds your horse is.

Your toolkit consists of duct tape, WD-40 and baling twine.

You can think of more than 10 uses for empty feed bags.

You wonder if the horse hair in the dryer lint trap is a saleable commodity.

Your horse blankets have been repaired with duct tape. A lot of duct tape.

Your stable colors are dictated by what was on sale at the time of purchase.

You have ever considered, “Pay the hay man or the mortgage?” and decided on the hay man.

You buy top-notch horse feed but keep an eye out for sales on Ramen noodles to feed your kids.

Your truck and trailer sport matching coats of primer.

Your all time favorite Christmas gift was a wire stretcher.

The most romantic gift you have ever received was an arena drag.

Spiders are the centerpiece of your “all natural” fly control program.

Mud prevents anyone from guessing what color your horses are.

Any of your bridles are held together with baling wire.

Who needs a bridle when you have a perfectly good halter and lead rope?

All of your exterminators have four legs.

You can’t remember the last time you rode in a saddle.

The string cinch you use every day has six or fewer intact strings.

Your horse won the “Hairiest” award at the local fuzzy/furry schooling show.

No visit to a horse show from your barn is complete without a “Loose Horse!!” announcement over the PA system.

Your pasture fence is held together with baling twine.

You have ever pulled a horse trailer with an El Camino.

You haven’t quite gotten around to breaking that 6-year-old home-raised colt.

At your barn, a dead rat is cause for celebration.

Your neighbors call frequently with the message, “Your horses are out again!”

There is at least one rusted-out vehicle in your pasture.

It takes two hands to open all your gates — one hand to pick the gate up out of the mud and the other hand to work the latch.

Cleaning out your trailer’s dressing room requires a manure fork.

The county declares your pasture to be a public nuisance.

None of your stall doors have fully functional latches.

Your son is your automatic waterer.

Taking just one horse out of your pasture is absolutely impossible.

You have never noticed a need for manure removal.

You worm your horses once a year whether they need it or not.

You think vaccinations are for pessimists.

You consider it a waste of money to have the vet geld your colts when you can do it yourself.

You have ever loaded a pony into the back of your truck.

On your property, pasture rotation happens only when the horses tear down the fence to get at the grass in an adjoining pasture.